Bloopers

One month flew by so fast… I could hardly catch my breath. Today is the last day of Jan 2008 and so far, I still haven’t figured out what I want to do for the rest of the year. Surely I have a few agenda that I need to get myself involved in. Let’s just say there are a few major ‘project’ I’m still working on. Still haven’t achieved any satisfying result, but I’m sure keeping my hopes up. I’m praying hard so that I can get through this and look forward for a healthy and happy ending… or shall I say… a beginning ;o)
Well… I must say, there are a few good things that happened. For instance, Kak Idah moved into the new house already and gosh! The place is absolutely amazing. It’s a very wonderful place for her to recuperate and to get her mind off the silly people around her. The place is cool except for a few ‘old fashioned’ renovation work dad put his ideas into. The house in painted yellow and the rooms are purple… hehehe. Serious mamak colour. But then again, I must admit… It does make the house look bright and cheerful when you enter it :) Her next door neighbor is so friendly and caring. The auntie and uncle are such nice people to be around with. Auntie sometimes pops in to say hi and see if things are ok. Abah told them about Kak Idah health condition and that made them be more protective and more concerned over my sis. The view is superb and the whole place is so spacious. Just nice for Kak Idah and the girls.
Now, my house feels empty without Kak Idah and the girls. Balik rumah saje, feel so lonely, alone and boring. Kak Idah has been staying with us for the pass 3 months since Raya. She can sometimes be too protective and over controlling… but now to think of it… It’s just pure love towards me. I love you so much kak.
What else… Sigh! At work, now that my ex-lady boss is no longer around… we report directly to our Director from main office. He comes down to penang once a week to check on us. We are having our 1st kick off meeting this coming Saturday morning… Malas la… I have to drag myself on a Saturday morning just to attend the function but as if I have any choices. Well heck, I’m just going for the buffet lunch cos the lunch there is damn good. I love their Italian buffet lunch we had for my lady boss farewell.
Okie… Gotta go now. Have to pick up Farah and Ijah from school. Kak Idah went for her chemo session today and surely she's worn out. Nanti on the way balik, aku nak singgah beli air tebu pure kat nyonya tepi jalan tue lagi. Sedap btol!
And eerr… about my updated in the post on 8th Jan below… well, let’s just say that things don’t always work out the way you want it to be. That’s life… It’s not perfect cos’ if it is then whatever you wish for would have come true. At least, I got this huge burden I’ve been carrying off my chest after I expressed myself. Like I said, I don’t expect anything in return… just wanted to let know about the feeling in me and understand that I really do care. It’s just the kind of love you have for someone you really care about... a truely close person to your heart. Seriously, it’s not that I expect him to accept me into his life, just want him to know that I… Augh!!!! (Just picture me like in the picture below… screaming my lungs out, pulling my hair :p)

Susah sangat nak explain the whole situation. Like I said, I'm not so good with words. I guess it’s just hard to make people understand what you’re actually trying to say. It’s best if I just leave things the way they are. Though I can feel that there is now a distance between us. I dunno, maybe I'm taking this whole thing too heavily. Moreover, I just can’t seem to shake off the thought that I have actually caused it… Fara, you're damn right girl! I should have followed your advice and kept my damn mouth shut. Hrgh! I just hope things will be just the way it was.

W E L C O M E * 2 0 0 8 *

Aku harapkan tahun nie 2008 membawa perubahan yang baik dalam hidup aku nanti. Segala keinginan yang dinanti-nanti semuanya tercapai.. semuanya dapat dilaksanakan. Yang paling aku hendak usahakan is perubahan terhadap diri aku sendiri. My appreance, the way I bring myself, my way of thinking… aku nak ‘upgrade’! Time for a change… for my own good.

This year 2008 came with a Bang! It started Jan 2nd with my Lady Boss punya last day. Sure sekarang baru nak release how much we appreciate her and how she has changed us to who we are right now. I can proudly say, She the best person I’ve ever worked with. The best manager anyone could have. She has really inspired me in many ways as a leader, a mentor, an advisor, a lady, a sister and a mother. Sure she can be a pain in the neck at times but most of the time, she’s just being who she is. Nothing or no one can challenge her and get away. I keep going through the times I had with her. How she welcomed me 3 years ago into her team. Everyone was quiet the whole day. Wondering and imagining how the team will be like without her. Well, now she’s gone to presue her own path in life. She wants to spend more time with her daughter and family. That’s what she wants… hurm… cuba bayangkan dia sanggup tinggalkan kerja gaji beribu-ribu semata-mata nak menjaga anak dia kat rumah. Yup! She wants to be a housewife. I have no idea how she’s going to go through it daily.. but that’s what she wants. Tak pe la.. husband millionare.. sure can afford to take care of her. Bilik boss just right behind me.. the only thing that separates us is a glass wall… now, everytime I turn around a look… there’s just an empty chair and an empty room with her name still on the glass panel. Pilu jer hati when I think about how she won’t be there for us anymore. Then again, life goes on. Somehow, it will take it’s own course.

Not to forget, aku dikejutkan lagi dengan cerita yang aku ingatkan dah selesai… Mula la aku naik confuse lagi. Fairoz… this guy appeared in my life about 5 months ago. Ada la sorang saudara aku nie introduce him to my family. Asalnya, Fairoz nie dari India. Dia dengan family dia migrate my Penang about 10 years ago. Konon nyer dia lahir kat sini, masa umur dia 4 tahun, his parents bring him to India and he stayed with his grandma kat situ. Fairoz is a very nice guy. Ada jugak kadang2 aku bersembang dengan dia. Tapi entah la kenapa, aku berat hati untuk terima dia dalam hidup aku… Aku sembang pun dengan ingatkan dalam hati that he is just someone I know.. Family dia memang suka kat aku… ada la beberapa misunderstanding at the beginning. They were quite demanding and seriously my family memang tak suka semua tue. Then his parents went off to India lepas raya hari tue. Sebelum dia orang pergi, memang tak bagitau apa2 ataupun sebarang keputusan. Well, since then, Fairoz pun dah tak call aku, aku anggap jer he’s a passing cloud. My family pun setuju and they have dropped the topic of my marriage. Then suddenly, hari rabu yang lalu baru, mak Fairoz telephone tanya khabar and bagitau that dia baru balik from India and nak berbincang dengan my family. Mula la aku rasa tak senang diri… And I have my reasons for being this way.

Today… as a New Year resolution, I’m about to do something I have never done before. Aku berat hati untuk terima Fairoz because I have feelings for someone else. Someone I have known for almost 7 years and tanpa aku sedar, I think I have actually fallen for him. Aku jadi confused bila terpikir, apa sebenarnya perasaan yang aku ada terhadap dia. Sayang sebagai kawan or more then that.

Z… I know you’ll read this. I just sent you and SMS. This is so unlike me… dalam soal Cinta dan perasaan… Fazi diamkan diri jer. But I really want to know what you think of me. And I really hope that you will understand me and berharap Z akan paham perasaan Fazi. Apa gunanya memendam perasaan if tak berani nak meluahkan nya. You know very well how I really respect you and admire you in many ways. You have really inspired me and this could be one of the many reasons why I like you… why I have feelings for you.
Sekiranya apa yang Fazi luahkan disini menganggu Z, I am so so sorry... But I just want you to know how my feelings are for you... I’m sure you must have heard this from a lot of girls… who are much much much more prettier and beautiful then me… I don’t want to tell you I’m different then any of them. But I can sincerely say, my feelings for you are true. This feeling for you is something I’ve been keeping to myself all these years without realizing it. Without wanting to tell you. I actually don’t want to go through life thinking… “If only I’ve told him how I felt for him”…. “Kenapa aku tak bagitau Z” Fazi tak nak diganggu dengan soalan nie seumur hidup Fazi.
Z, you know very well I’m not good with words. But no matter what, Fazi harap persahabatan kita tak kan terjejas. Fazi hargai sangat2 persahabatan Z… It’s just that… I just want you to know..

I'm nobody's lady

Saja nak share this wonderful song I love to hear. I got this song from that special someone who's no longer present in my life. Hurm... Anyway, I just love this song.

Lady by Kenny Rogers
Lady...
I’m your knight in shining armor and I love you
You have made me what I am and I am yours
My love...There’s so many ways I want to say, “I love you.”
Let me hold you in my arms forever more

You have gone and made me such a fool
I ‘m so lost in your love
And oh, we belong together
Won’t you believe in my song?

Lady...
For so many years, I thought I’d never find you
You have come into my life and made me whole
Forever, let me wake to see you each and every morning
Let me hear you whisper softly in my ear
In my eyes, I see no one else but you
There's no other love like our love
And yes, oh yes I’ll always want you near me
I’ve waited for you for so long

Lady...
Your love’s the only love I need
and Beside me is where I want you to be
Cause my love there’s something I want you to know
You’re the love of my life. You’re my lady...

Aidiladha & X'mas special

Sekarang nie memang aku tengah sibuk dengan year end closing. Aku dah berkemas tadi ingat nak balik, tapi entah.. teringat pulak nak bercerita kat sini.
Aidiladha... Tahun nie kami sekeluarga sambut Hari Raya Haji dengan penuh kesyukuran. Bersyukur kepada Allah SWT atas segajanya yang ada. Sederhana jer raya haji tahun nie tapi memang special. Paling syok skali, bila kami sekeluarga berpeluang duduk bersarapan bersama... Puttu mayam, kuah dalcha, kurma ayam, awam goreng kicap and daging merah.. Fuh! sampai terjilat2 pinggan. Syok jugak dapat menghadiri Majlis korban Nurul Islam. Setiap tahun kita orang pergi... Tahun nie pun lebih kurang sama jugak. Aku dapat tengok up close and personal bila dia orang 'eerrrggkkk' lembu tue. Alahai! masa nie la boleh tengok anak2 mamak beraksi ceh wah wrestling dengan lembu tue. Kecoh benar!! Hurm! saib baik tak kena tempat2 sensitive... AKu pulak menyesal sebab pakai kasut baru aku beli... Terjijak tahi lembu laaarrrrr... sabor jer la. Anyway, Raya Haji kali nie bermakna untuk aku.. lebih2 lagi bila dapat berjumpa dengan saudara mara yang hampir 3 tahun tak bertegur sapa, datang jugak dia orang beraya kat rumah aku. Pakcik aku teringat jugak nak mai melawat mak. Orang2 tua, biasa la.. cepat betul sensitive. Anyway, terkejut tengok how my cousins have grown to strong handsome man and beautiful young ladies. Dah 3 tahun mak balik haji. Aku tengok mak masa solat subuh pagi tue, basah pipi. I'm sure terkenang pengalaman masa kat tanah suci dulu. Mak perasan aku berdiri dok tengok, she turned and looked at me.. she smiled! Aku tanya knapa? mak senyum. Mak... I love you. Love you so much!

Well.. Christmas... for me is one of the most beautiful festive of the year. There's something magical about this festive. Not the thought of celebrating it... it's just the environment it creates. The love we see spreading around. We see people busy buying Christmas gifts for their friends and love ones and of after that everyone waiting anxiously to celebrate the end of year.
Happy 2008….. WATCH OUT FOR ME COS’ HERE I COME… (ehem! Ayat power)
Well, not to forget the mad sales at all major malls. Have you guys been to Parkson.. Gosh! Aku bleh jadi giler. hehehe.. tue yg ge beli this gorgeous hand bag and also this (augh!) beautiful pair of shoe. It was indeed love at first sight when I look and that beg. Tengah tak de duit pun, hurm... lantak la... sampai ujung bulan.. makan lotti lorrr.. Tunggu balik umah, hentam nasi sepinggan. Aduh! Diet fazi… diet…
I love the decorations during christmas. Setiap kali perayaan nie aku sure teringat masa aku ge Singapore dulu dengan my parents and kak Sida. I was in standard 3 and that time and masa tue it was Christmas there. Kan cuti sekolah, abah ajak kita orang ge jalan2. We stayed at Uncle Naina’s house in Everton Park. Cool place.. masa tue la. Skarang, I have no idea how it looks like. Anyway, we were there for a week and it surely felt so wonderful there.


2008 nie aku nak menyambut dengan penuh kesyukuran and full of hope for my future. Banyak perubahan yang menanti. Azam aku untuk 'stay positive' I will still carry... Good bye 2007.. thank you for all the wonderful memories. Another year closing... so fast. Rasa macam only yesterday aku sambut 2007.
2008 - I'm waiting for you.

Yesterday

Sigh!
Life can be so tragic at times. One day you're happy minding your own business, the next day you can be down and feeling sorry for yourself. Sucks doesn't it? When you least expect how things can go wrong sometimes and how you wish at that very moment, you can just fall down and hide your head in the ground like an ostrich.

Yesterday...
All my troubles seemed so far away
Now it seems as though they're here to stay
Oh I believe in yesterday

Suddenly, I'm not half the girl I use to be
There's a shadow hanging over me
Oh yesterday came suddenly
Why he had to go, I don't know
I said something wrong now I long for yesterday

Yesterday...
Love was such an easy game to play
Now I need a place to hide away
Oh I believe in yesterday
And I know I can't turn back
Cause yesterday's gone
~ Beatles

Kebelakangan nie, kesabaran aku memang teruji sangat. Banyak yang aku terpaksa bertahan sebab aku terikat atas nama keluarga dan kasih sayang. Takut tersinggung perasaan orang yang aku sayangi. Tapi sedih sekali bila orang tak pernah terpikir pasal perasaan aku... keinginan aku. Tak pernah orang terpikir that I need my space too. How sad when these people I trust and love seem to forget that I and a human being too and I deserve the freedom and rights just like everyone else. People find it difficult to understand and accept it that I'm not that 12 or 17 years old girl anymore. I have my commitment towards myself, commitment to my career, to my LIFE.
Sebab tue kekadang aku rasa macam nak jerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrriiiittttttttttttt sepuas puas hati aku.
Lama dah aku tak meluangkan masa untuk diri sendiri sebab asyik pikirkan orang lain. And memang tak pernah satu hari pun aku mengeluh atau bermasam muka when I'm there for them. Sampai kekadang sakit hati bila orang tue tak menghargai segala apa yang aku lakukan untuk mereka. Sampai hati kata yang aku nie tak bersensitive, I was never there for them konon. Like I said, aku nie diuji. Sejauh mana aku mampu bertahan. Tak pe, aku anggap saja nie dugaan Allah SWT untuk menguatkan aku lagi. Bersabar je la.

Shocking news... Not a good day

Lama benar tak tulis kat sini. Hehe.. bukan apa, malas pun ada, sibuk pun ada, letih pun ada.. macam2 la alasan aku as usual. Bukan nya aku tak tergerak untuk update blog aku last week. It’s just that every time I sit down to mark a few words in my blog, I did have a lot of things to say and to voice out, but I just couldn’t push my fingers to type. I was out of words to describe the experiences and my feelings. Sigh! Awat tak nyer… It was even difficult for me to comprehend and accept what I was going through… nie kan nak tulis dalam blog. Dalam seminggu nie macam2 jugak that I’ve went through. Bila teringat balik… I take a big SIGH! And thanked Allah it was over. Still, there were some experiences I was glad and felt happy for. Tersenyum jer bila terpikir the wonderful memories I have built.
Today… aku baru keluar dari meeting dengan the sales team… my team that is. Fidah just break the news I heard from Nas last week. News I was hoping to be just a rumor… just a passing cloud. But unfortunately it was not. She has decided to tender in her resignation. Yess.. my lady boss is resigning. Aku memang tak sangka… sedih sangat bila terpikir that she will not be around anymore. She will not be around to tell us what is right and what should not be done. Apa yang patut dibuat and how to resolve any problems. She was always there when we really need advices and guidance. She was a major support for us and she was our shield against the bloody vultures that’s always out to pick on us and find our faults. Skarang baru nak terpikir that I actually like her so much and I really look up to her. Despite that sometime she can really be a pain in the neck… still, she was our Iron Lady of Penang Sales team… And what’s worse still, her last day will be before Raya Haji. It’s a very short notice. Yang ada dalam meeting tue cuma aku, Nas, Viv and Anisah. Just us ladies in the discussion room with our lady boss when she break the news. Aku tertunduk jer, tapi bila aku tengok Viv menangis, aku tak boleh tahan… teriak jugak la aku. Tengok aku, Nas and Anisah pun teriak sekali. Aku sedih la… takut jugak actually… Selama nie, Fidah melindungi kami dalam semua hal. Baik dalam issues with customers and sales mahupun dalam hal dealing dengan orang2 dalam company nie. Ramai orang yang tak brapa suka kat team aku cos we are always in rush to meet customer’s requirements. Fidah kata she wants to spend more time with her daughter and family. We can’t stop her from changing her mind… but we pray and hope for the best in what ever she goes through. Aku takut apa kan terjadi kat kami nih. Anak2 dia kat sini.. hehe.. Entah macam mana nanti ka boss baru aku. Jangan dapat macam Mr Sheikh cukup. EErrrgh! Nightmare.
Saturday, 1st December 2007
Pagi kul 5.30 dah bangun. Kami wat plan nak ge picnic kat Taman Belia. Saja nak ajak budak2 nie pe swim2. Aku kesian kat diaorang, cuti sekolah tak kemana pun. Asyik tengok dinding rumah jer. So, pagi2 lagi aku bangun prepare barang2 nak bawa. Hehehe.. aku masak nasi lemak dengan sambal daging. Sambal aku buat siap2 malam sebelum tue. Pagi bangun masak nasi lemak, rebus telur, prepare air nak minum… bla bla bla.. kecoh2 kat dapur sampai la mak dengan kak Idah terbangun. Hehehe… dia orang pun join la jugak.. Mula2 tue memang la macam2 alasan yang mak bagi… penat la, nak rest la… tue la nie la… Aku pujuk2 sampai ikut jugak mummy dearest aku. Hurm… mak tengok anak dia dok merodak dalam dapur bagi pening kepala jer. Hehehe.. Kul 8.30pagi keluar dari rumah dalam kul 9pagi sampai ke destinasi… we got a nice spot.. That’s one of the advantages of being an early bird. Hehe.. Taman belia tak macam dulu… menang cantik and I should say, a good job for the maintenances there. They really keep the place clean and nice. Sejuk je angina pagi tiup kat situ… Dapat hammock syok la.. hehe.. Budak2 nie macam la badak baru jumpa air… terjun terus separuh kolam tak de air.. hehehe.. but they really enjoyed themselves and I’m happy they did. And the best of all, they keep thanking me for bringing them here. Kita orang ladies duk jer kat atas bangku… Sampai2 jer aku hentam nasi lemak… Aduh!!! Sedap btol. Dalam kul 1ptg, kami pulang… dapat la rest jap petang tue… Dalam kul 4ptg tue mami called. Dia kata nak mai rumah tengok Kak Idah tapi anak2 dia tak de kat rumah… So, ge la jemput dia. Kesian jugak kat mami… dalam sakit kaki tue pun, dia teringin nak tengok kak.
Yesterday, Sunday 2nd Dec 2007… berehat2 kat rumah jer tak ge mana pun. I was tired from Saturday’s picnic. Kak Ton jemput ge rumah dia tengok kitchen dia yang baru renovate tue. Aku skip jer and stayed at home. At first memang plan tak nak makan lunch, tapi rasanya 2 bijik epal aku makan tue macam tak cukup jer. So, aku wat la sayur campur nak makan saja cos perut aku dah mul gerrrooot :p Belum sempat aku nak makan lagi, mak telepon dari rumah kak ton. Mak suruh aku datang segera, kak ton pe terkepit jari dia kena pintu. Alahai! Satu demi satu la heart attack aku dapat. Sampai jer kat rumah kak, aku nampak dia tengah duduk kat sofa pegang jari dia. Tengok muka dia macam cool jer tapi sekali aku tengok jari dia macam nak pengsan. Memang kuku dia terkopek habis.. pas tue isi dia terkoyak sket. Aku dah ingat, sure ada yang retak and sure kan jahit ner. Cepat2 ge Lam Wah Ee… By the time everything was settled, it was almost 7pm. Gosh! Jaga la diri baik2 cos hospital bills bukan la murah. Tengok sket macam tue pun dah kena kat RM500. Cuba la kalu kes accident teruk. And what’s worse is that Kak Ton had to pay herself for the medical bills since she’s running her own business. Benda macam nie wat aku bersyukur, Thank Allah I have my job here. I was making jokes… trying to make her feel better.
Banyak lagi yang nak diceritakan, tapi buat masa nie, aku nak berhenti disini…

Happy Birthday to Me

Yesterday was my birthday… my 2*th (ehem) birthday. Hehe… I really felt so special and there was so much love showed to me. Ada jugak kengkawan yang tunggu midnight nak wish! So sweet…The firrrrrst person to wish me was my dear most beloved friend Zaini…my friend I keep close to my heart always. Hurm… He’s one of the few men I trust in this world and someone who I will always be there for. Zaini, thank you so much for all your wonderful words of wisdom, love, care and support and most importantly…. I thank you dearly for this most wonderful friendship we’ve built together... You’re Gr8 ;)
my best wishes was from Khalil too… a long lost friend all the way from Mumbai, India. He really understands me and give me advices and support everytime I am down. Too bad we can't chat too frequently.. usually we just chat through emails and YMs. Sometimes it's sweet of him to call and talk to me. I was suprised and at the same time, I was happy and glad to receive his birthday wish. Khalil, If only you were here. Gosh! how i wish you were. It will be so great to have a friend like you around. And also not to forget the wonderful wishes from my best buddies Guna and Sharon. Korang berdua nie memang giler la… hahaha… That’s why I love you guys’ alotz. Thank you for the sweet wishes… Rohani, Farnizah, Azida, Anisah, Simran, Francis, Fidah… Thank U.. Thank U.. Thank U for making my this year’s birthday a special one.
Sigh! Well, anyway, I had a good day yesterday. Kak Sida and I were on leave yesterday. Our initial plan was to take the day off, hang out at queensbay mall, have a good lunch at TGI Fridays, and go for a movie then go straight home and pretend like nothing happened. And all this is to be done just the 2 of us and no else show ‘know’… hehehe…it was a cool exciting plan and we were all prepared for it. It was Kak Sida’s plan actually. She asked me to take the day off and said that she wants to take me out the whole day. It sounded fun and not that we have not done it before ;) The best was the time all four of us sisters hang out together. I was looking forward for Kak Sida’s plan but not everything that we plan turns out just the way we want it to be. Kak Idah had to go for her 1st chemotherapy session yesterday and the whole process took half the day. In the end, I was really glad that I took the day off. At least I get to accompany kak Idah. Kak Sida joined us too.
It was the blood test in the early morning before breakfast. This is to ensure her blood content is good and then only can she start with the treatment. We had a talk with Dr Kelvin about the side effects of Chemo, the procedures, the dos and don’ts and also the stages my sis will have to go through. It’s a good knowledge for me to as I think it’s important for me to know the steps as well. This is an awareness I think everyone should take note too.
She was a bit nervous at the beginning. I can really see it in her eyes. The nurse gave her a medicine called ‘Aprepitant’ and asked her to wait for an hour before she can start her session. This medicine actually helps prevent the vomiting feeling and she have to continuously take it on the 2nd and 3rd day after the chemo. Semalam dia makan 125mg nyer, today and tomorrow pagi dia kena makan 80mg nyer. Hurm.. nurse tue kata ubat nie jer cost about RM300 per pack. Starting tomorrow pulak, dia kena ge hospital every morning to take her ‘Neupogen’ jab and she have to take this jap for 8 continuous day starting from the 3rd day of her chemo and this 8 japs cost about RM2k. Nie tak termasuk segaja macam jenis mak nenek nyer ubat lain. Banyak sangat process yang she have t go through.
After her 1st chemo session, she will feel the tiredness on the first few days.. at least about 4-5 days.. Then she’ll feel normal. After a few days of her chemo, her hair will start to drop and at this time, dia kena banyak makan makanan yang berkhasiat and kena bagi kuat badan dia. The chemo actually burns her good and bad cells as well… and so she will have to eat right and build her good cells again. Dia kena banyak minum air sebab badan dia kering.
Hurm… kalu nak cerita memang banyak sangat… To my surprise, semalam kami berjumpa dengan 3 cancer patient yang lain. There were these 2 women in their mid 40s with breast cancer jugak. Sorang tue removed her left breast completely and sorang lagi just removed the lump. Both of them were there for their 3rd session. Dia orang completely botakkan kepala, sorang tue ikat kepala dia dengan scaf and sorang lagi pakai rambut palsu. And the best of all, both of them were very positive and banyak bagi nasihat kat kak aku. Tengok dia orang berdua, kak nampak tak nervous sangat. I left her alone during the session. Tak nak la pulak ramai sangat dalam bilik tue as the whole chemo process will take at least 2 hours. Lagipun, dia dah dapat kawan yang dia boleh berkongsi perasaan. The nurses there were very nice too especially there was this one nurse called Karen. Memang baik betul dia orang.
Well… aku dengan kak sida tak tau nak wat apa… pergi la gurney lepak kat situ. Dia kata nak ceria kan aku on my birthday. Kami masing2 menyembunyikan perasaan kami. Aku tau, dia pun tak sanggup nak tengok kak Idah dalam keadaan macam tue. Tapi apalah daya kita kak. All we can do is be strong for her.
Sekarang nie, banyak pengalaman baru yang sedang aku alami. Aku hanya mampu mengadu kepada Allah untuk meringankan beban kami semua.

Finally & Yesterday

Finally, I got to know how to change the fonts and add photos in the blog. hehehe.. selama nie memang tak boleh. Punya la payah! finally.. entah apa aku korek dalam setting tue, aku tekan sana tekan sini... dah boleh! hahaha.. Hurm! kat sini, nama jer system engineers and application engineers, aku tanya kat dia orang tau tak macam mana nak dapatkan font toolbar, dia orang tak tau.

Saja jer testing2 tengok boleh ke tak nie. Finally got it!

btw, gambar kucing kat atas tue is my sister's cat, Shabby. Lepas nie boleh la share more photos.

Hurm! semalam aku tengok Asian Food Channel kat astro. Gosh! I love that channel. The best channel astro ever had. Punya la syok tengok dia orang masak. Semalam 'Chef Parlo' wat "Spicy crabcakes with wassabi cream sauce"... Sedappp nyer! Hehehe... aku dah tak leh tahan, terus bangun ge dapur nak wat cucur udang famous aku! At that time it was already about 8.30pm. Mak geleng kepala jer. Dia tau anak dia nie pantang tengok orang masak-masak. Sejak aku tau goreng cucur udang nie, benda tue la aku rajin buat kerap. Tak sempat aku nak abis goreng semua, at the end, aku dapat la dalam 4-5 ketul. Aku buat bukan sebab aku teringin nak makan pun, I did it just for the LOVE of cooking it and serving it to my family. Syok betul kalu masakan aku mendapat sambutan :o) . Sedap dimakan while it's still hot.

Kalu nak tau masa kecik dulu memang aku cukup suka main masak2 kat pondok sebelah rumah. Jemput kengkawan sekampung mai makan la konon.. nanti diaorang mai la ke rumah pondok aku.. che gayoh, mak temah, kak Meah. Macam2 nama aku letak kat dia orang. Hehehe... masa budak2 tue bahan2 masakan apa lagi.. buah2 jambu yg ada keliling rumah pastu segala2 daun pokok bunga mak tanam habis aku cabut. Alat2 masakan usually aku "pinjam" mak nyer, cuci simpan balik la. Aku ada jugak set masak2 yang tok belikan. So cute it's like miniture periuk2, pinggan, cawan all made out of stainless steel. Kekadang ada jugak aku masak bagi tok makan, hehe. Aku ingat lagi... Sekali tue, punya la syok dok main sampai tak sedar dah nak senja, mak panggil berkali-kali suruh masuk rumah pe mandi pun aku buat2 tak dengar sebab syok dok "masak" sambil layan "tetamu" kat atas "rumah" aku. Ntah kot mana mak muncul tetiba, sekali aku kena cubit kat telinga punya la pedih. Memang aku dah tak sempat nak lari. Abis lari lintang pukang "tetamu" aku sebab mak jerit sampai tak sempat dia orang nak bagi salam. Gosh! I miss my childhood life. No tension, no worries and enjoying life always. No phone bills to settle, no loan to pay off, no credit card bills, no work, no pressure... bla bla bla. And all we kids have to worry about last time is 'homework'. Itu pun sometimes kita complain sampai ada gak kekadang nak nangis2 cos terpaksa wat homework. hehe! But that's all in good fun.

Yesterday, sambil2 makan cucur udang tue kita orang dok sembang pasal childhood years. Tersembur2 kopi abang ipar aku dengar mak cerita pasal aku suka main masak2 dulu. Aku tak pe lagi... mak cerita wife dia (akak aku) suka main cakap sorang2 kat belakang rumah.. siap guna rambut palsu tok lagi. Hahaha... mak kata nampak real macam dia dok sembang dengan someone. Aduh! Last night we all had a good laugh. For a moment aku tengok Kak Idah was laughing and really enjoyed herself. For a moment, kami lupakan segala yang pahit dan sedih and has a wonderful time together.

My sisters

I love my sisters... my PowerPuff Gurls. Hehe! Even their names in my handphone pun aku letak as 'Blossom' for Kak Idah, 'Bubbles' for Kak Ton and 'Buttercup' for Kak Sida. They mean the world to me. Sebab tue bila sometimes if they say or did something yang menyakitkan hati, aku cepat terasa sangat. I'm close to them especially kak Idah who's like my mom too. Though sometimes she can be a bit over protective, over controlling and sometimes... too carried away when it comes to advices... hehehe... but she’s the best sister you can’t ever find. You will truly feel loved if you're around her. Kak Idah banyak jaga aku dan banyak memahami aku. Kak Ton... hehe... My 'cool' independent sis who has taught me a lot about the wisdom of life. A very business minded person with lots of love, support and care. Even though sometimes she’s not around, you’ll know that she’s always there for you and always there to love you. Kak Sida… my funny, fun lovin’ sister who’s more like a friend to me... Umur kami beza 5 tahun and banyak berkongsi rahsia dengan dia. Hehehe..

Well... saja nak share a few poems on sisters with you guys. Share it with your sisters too.


*My Sister*
She knows the things I dream of,
the places that I've been,
she accepts the person I've become,
she's a very special friend.
She's always been there for me
no matter where I roam,
and whenever we're together,
it's just like being home.

*Sister*
For happy times shared through the years,
for the loyalty, love, the laughter and tears.
For the special things only you can do,
for all these things, I thank you!
Time and space may separate us,
but heartstrings know no end.
I'm proud to call you my sister,
happier still to call you my friend.


*We Have Laughed Together*
You've been my sister
for many years,
We've laughed together
And shed some tears.
We've had harsh words,
And pulled some hair
But against the world
We are a terrific pair.
Our times together are very few,
I just want to say I LOVE YOU!

The amazing TERRY FOX

Terry Fox: Canadian Hero (1958-1981)


Every September thousands of people, in 60 different countries, take to the streets to run and to continue the dream of a single man. Who could have inspired such participation and what was his cause? The man was Canadian Terry Fox and the cause was to raise money for cancer research. It began when Terry Fox was diagnosed with osteogenic sarcoma, a form of bone cancer. His right leg was amputated six inches above the right knee. Always an athlete, once Terry recovered he resolved to run across Canada with the goal of collecting one dollar for every Canadian. Terry began his "Marathon of Hope" on April 12, 1980 as he dipped his artificial foot in the Atlantic Ocean. He hoped to dip the same foot in the Pacific at the end of his run. However, the grueling pace that Terry set for himself, through rain or shine, was cut short when doctors discovered that cancer had spread to his lungs.

Terry died one month before his 23rd birthday. The Marathon of Hope had collected $24.17 million, enough to have met his goal.

Since his death, Terry's heroic perseverance is honoured through numerous awards and research grants. Funds have continued to be raised for cancer research as more and more people join in the annual run that Terry began.

Life goes on

I reached home around 6.15pm yesterday. My bro-in-law, kak Sida’s hubby was away to KL for a 1 day trip. She told me this morning that he came back at around 3am today. Anyway, since he was not around yesterday, I fetched my sis back from work and head straight home. Sampai jer rumah biasa lah, jejak kaki masuk dapur sure wangi bau masakan mak. Aku bau kari ikan semalam. Haih! Nie lar susah aku nak diet nie, walau kenyang macam mana pun, sure teringin nak rasa walaupun semulut masakan mak. Semalam pulak mak masak lauk ikan bawal, goreng peria and goreng ikan sardin. Aduh! terliur aku..
Aku perasaan kak Idah macam tak ceria jer petang tue. She looked upset and was sitting alone outside on the swing. Muka macam termenung panjang entah apa yang dipikirkan. Selalu ada jer masalah yang sedang dipikirkan tu. She always worries about things that have already passed… get too emotional and be bothered too much about it. Especially her damn, blood sucking, good-for-nothing, worthless, cold-hearted, lazy, stupid ***. Aku tak nak cakap pasal orang macam tue. Orang yang menyusahkan kakak-kakak aku and family aku sure tak selamat dunia akhirat. Biar dia jawap dengan Allah sebab tak menjalankan tanggungjawap dia. Especially untuk menyusahkan kakak aku walaupun dalam keadaan kak yang macam nie. Sigh! aku tak nak tegur sangat, nanti takut dia emotional. She has been very emotional lately. Well, who wouldn't be after what she's gone through? Kami semua banyak berusaha untuk menceriakan dia tiap2 hari. Ada jer aku buat lawak bodoh untuk menghiburkan hati dia. I try to spend every free time possible with her.
Dia Tanya aku "Fazi, mak beranak aku sempurna, I grow up in a perfect way also.. tadi aku tengok diri aku dalam cermin.. aku nampak CACAT fazi..."Bila aku dengar jer dia kata macam tue, aku rasa macam hati aku terberhenti jap.. tetiba gelap dunia aku… mata aku berair tanpa aku sedar. Ya Allah! Aku letak pinggan nasi aku sebelah, aku peluk dia kuat2. Aku biar dia nangis sepuas-puas hati. Aku tak tau nak berkata apa2. I was out of words to calm her down, to cheer her up. It’s not your fault kak… not your fault at all. Nie dugaan Allah yang kita tak sangka sekali. Jangan la salahkan diri you for what has happen. Being sad and thinking about this is not going to erase what that has happened. Sekarang nie, susah senang kita kena harungi dia jugak, No matter what kita kena fight to cure ourselves. Jangan la anggap kita dah cacat, bersyukur la that Allah masih lagi bagi kat kita kemampuan untuk berfikir and mengatur hidup kita dengan sendirinya. Memang senang untuk prang lain bagi semangat kat you. It’s not fair for me to say that I understand wht you’re going through. But I just don’t want you to give up.
From someone who used to be strong and cheerful ... It’s dying sad to see her to who she has become now. There are a lot of things that she has gone through in life. Dah banyak dugaan yang telah dia lalui dalam hidup.
Sampai sekarang aku susah nak terima kenyataan that dia menghidap "breast cancer” Why her ya Allah?? The same sickness that caused makcik khairoon to remove her left breast 14 years ago. tak cukup ke seksaan yang kak Idah dah terima selama nie. Masuk operation nie dah kali ketiga dia dibedah. first 2 operation is to remove fiberoid.. and now this.
I still cannot get over the words I heard from her doctor, Dr. Noel Yeoh. "I'm so sorry to say that the lump is a bad one and we had to remove the whole part of her left breast.. and it is a definite breast cancer" Allah saja yang tahu macam mana perasaan aku masa tue. No one in my family expected this to happen, especially to kak Idah. Aku menangis macam budak2 kat operation hall. Tak sedar dengan apa yang berlaku keliling aku. Aku menangis jer. Masa tue aku memang tak tau dengan sapa aku nak mengadu. Dengan sapa aku nak menangis. Aku call Nas, aku cerita kat dia and I just breakdown to her. Nas suruh aku nangis, “Nangis sepuas puas hati fazi… you nangis sepuas puas hati sekarang.. cos lepas nie, jangan you nangis dah! Lepas nie, you kena bagi semangat sekuat-kuatnya kat kakak U. Don’t you let her know that you’re sad. She shouldn’t feel depressed about what has happened… You have to be there for her more that anything” Tue la yang aku sedang usahakan sampai sekarang.
This is something that we hear people talk about, we read in articles, we hear in the health channel. But when things like this happens to someone you dearly love.. it is hard to except the reality.
Banyak lagi dugaan yang kak Idah kena tempuhi. I don't want her to give up. I need her so so so much in my life. All my life she has been there for me, whenever I'm sad or with problems, she never fails to be there for me and help me through anything. NOW, I want to be there for her, and I surely don't want her to give up.
"With the right medication and treatment, she can be completely cured" that's also the words of Dr Noel. He sounded confident and I have faith and believe in it. And bila aku dengar doktor tue kata macam tue. Aku bersemangat lebih lagi.
Kak, I love you so much. I really can't afford to loose you especially not in this way. I am not going to let you give up and this is one tough fight that you have to face… and I pray to Allah to give you the strength to battle this. I promise to me with you all the way ka.

Ya Allah… Kepada sapa lagi yang boleh aku mengadu kalau tak kepada Mu ya Allah.

DOA MEMOHON PERLINDUNGAN KEPADA ALLAH DARIPADA PENYAKIT BADAN

“Aku berlindung kepada Engkau daripada azab badan dan kesempitan dan aku berlindung daripada penyakit yang besar, pada diri dan roh dan darah dan daging dan tulang dan kulit dan urat saraf”

“Ya Allah yang mengetahui isi hati. Keluarkanlah aku daripada gelap gelita kepada cahaya terang bederang hidayat petunjuk”
- Thank U fidah for sharing this with me.

Fidah banyak memberi semangat kepada aku. Dia banyak memahami apa yang sedang kakak aku lalui. Kerap jugak dia bertanyakan khabar kak Idah. Thank you fidah for all your encouragement and support and thank you so much for understand my situation during the time my sister’s was hospitalized. Not to forget Nas for her words of encouragement and also Vivien for her concern. Thank you ladies… Thank you so much.

Jalan-Jalan Pergi Bukit Tambun

Salam..

Sabtu yang lalu, aku ge kenduri Faraa kat bukit Tambun. Perjalanan tak lah jauh sangat. Tapi since ake pergi pun dengan Abg Akbari, perjalanan tue tetiba tukar jaauuuhh sangat. Hehe.. awat tak nyer, dia bawak aku rasa ada lar dalam 60km/sj. Punya la slow. Kita dah biasa bawak *zuuueenng (ceh wah!) kat highway, tetiba bawa slow, aku rasa macam nak cabut steering tue dari tangan dia.. Motosikal pun boleh potong kalau cuba bayangkan. There was one part when dia kata tak nampak jalan raya masa hujan. Kecut perut aku! Ended up, aku kena bagitau kat dia lorong mana, turn kat mana. Sabor jer la. Niat sebenarnya nak car pool la konon untuk jimat duit tol dengan minyak. Since dia bawak kereta, aku bayar utk tol. Maklumlah, kenduri kat seberang. Tapi walau apapun, janji kira orang sampai on time pun kira okie la.

Faraa.. we used to work together here. She was my Sales Rep. Very bubbly and chubby girl. A very straight to the point person. Kalau dia rasa apa yang kita buat tu tak betul, memang dia bagitau directly.. she doesn't care if you like it or not. Dia tak peduli. Dia marah kalu.. menang marah! tapi once semua dah settle.. dia tak simpan dendam. Banyak orang tak suka character orang macam tue. Well, sometimes I do feel annoyed with her attitute, but when you think of it.. orang macam dia lebih baik dari orang yang mulut manis kat depan, tikam pulak kat belakang. Lepas almost 4 tahun kerja kat sini, dia berhenti sebab dah tak boleh nak terima pressure. But she's doing fine in her life. I'm happy when I received her wedding invitation. She's finally getting married. She was so pretty and cheerful that day. And surprisingly, she is who she was before.

Syok nya kalau attend kenduri orang seberang, macam2 dia orang serve. First time aku attend wedding yang dia orang serve laksa as well.. Memang sedap. Geng yang pe dengan aku first round nasi minyak, second round laksa.. urrrggghh... hentam! hehe. Aku releks jer. Nasi dah la.. Saib baik kenyang. hehe Sempat bergambar dengan pengantin sebelum balik.

Hm.. dalam perjalanan pulang tue. Kami masing2 diam jer dalam kereta. Entah apa diaorang yang dipikirkan.. aku.. terpikir banyak benda. Hehe! Terpikir la, bila pulak time aku nie.. Macam mana pulak kenduri aku nanti! Sigh! Kekadang tue memang la tak sabar nak experience my own wedding. At the same time, I'm really scared when I think about how thing's going to turn up after I'm married. A few of my friends told me that once you're married, you'll turn up to become a different person that you were before and believe me when I say I have seen some women changed from who they were and became someone else. From someone who used to be so strong and independant, they'll turn up to be this different person who I can not recognize. It's like they just sort of 'disappear'. Will I change? I certainly hope not... I want to remain being who I am. Even after i'm married. Hoping to find someone who I can really get along with and will understand me truly. Banyak jugak persoalan at the same time, banyak jugak soalan aku yang tak dapat aku tentukan jawapan nya.

Good Bye My Lover

Artist : James Blunt
Title : Good Bye my Lover

Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
So I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I've kissed your lips and held your head.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.

2xGoodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

I am a dreamer but when I wake,
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd be the father of your child.
I'd spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you.

2x Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I'm asleep.
And I will bear my soul in time,
When I'm kneeling at your feet.

2x Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.


One of my favourite songs. I was listening to it the whole day yesterday. Got nowhere to go.. got nothing to do. I was just sitting around and doing nothing. And the worst part of all.. It was raining. Tapi, hujan semalam amat berbeza. Buat aku rasa sayu jer. Like suddenly the whold world turned sad, dark and gloomy. As if life was not standing on it's own. Selalunyer memang aku suka bila hujan. Rasa sejuk and cozy.. syok jer. But yesterday I sensed something different about it. Hurm.. Or clearly this is another sign that I'm loosing my mind :p I told my sister about the rain and the sadness it brings, she just gave me this "you're weird! Surely you need to go out more often.. " look. hehe! Maybe aku nie terlalu menyelam perasaan aku yang tak tenteram nie. SO, the best solution is to divert my mind to something else.

Perasaan yang tak tenteram...
I keep telling myself that I'm over him. But I think I was wrong. Especially bila aku dapat kad jemputan perkahwinan dia. Something I should have expected. Lebih2 lagi bila kami masing2 mengambil keputusan untuk meneruskan hidup and to go our seperate ways. Things hardly work out the way you want them to be. I'm happy for him that he has finally took the next step in life. But at the same time, aku sedih... Does this mean he'll forget me slowly? I'm sure as time pass by... he will gradually forget that I once existed in his life. Well, it will be good for him.. and for me. Tapi.. satu lagi soalan yang aku tertanya-tanya... kenapa dia kirimkan kad jemputan perkahwinan dia kat aku?? Well... biar apa pun alasan dia, aku tak nak pikir panjang2. What's past is past. No matter how hard I think about it.. nothing is going to bring back time. I'm happy with how I have turned up to be. I'm doing well, I'm healthly.. abit chubby la.. but healthy. Tue yang penting :p Yang paling penting.. Allah is with me and that's all that matters.

Jemu

Aku dah jemu dengan perangai sesetengah orang nie. Sekali dah kata tak mau nak paham.. It’s not that they don’t understand, they just REFUSE to understand. Pain in the a** right? Tell me about it and imagine how I’m feeling as I have to go through my daily lives with these kinda people around. Orang yang degil and wants everything to go according to their way.
Dalam hidup kita kena belajar untuk bertolak ansur and very importantly to understand the situation before we act. Earn people's respect by learning how to respect them first. Kita nie bukan nyar dalam tadika. We are all grown ups and we have the ability to use our brains better. Nie tak!! Semua nya nak “Serbu tembok tak pakai helmet”… At the end, kita yang jadi orang tengah nie cos diaorang nie tak nak handle the situation sendiri, get’s all the blame and harsh words. Aku dah letih la, asyik asyik kena screwed up for something I didn’t do. Pas tue the best part.. diaorang yang start the whole thing nie.. buat tak reti. Grrrgghhhh!!!! Kalu la aku nie “Hulk Hogan” aku dah lama bagi dia orang nie sedebik kat muka. Saib baik aku nie pompuan.. kena banyakkk bersabar..
I am sick.. I am tired.. I am sick and tired. But there's nothing much I can do. Everyday I still have to face them...
Baik aku layan lagu jer sambil buat kerja. Block myself from these people. Listening to all my all time favorites songs… termasuk la lagu. yang feeling2 nyer. Layan perasaan jap. hehe

Are you A Carrot, an egg or a cup of coffee?

Another story I would like to stare. Interesting and also meaningful. You will never look at a cup of coffee the same way again...

A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved, a new one arose.

Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to boil. In the first placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil, without saying a word.

In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl.

Turning to her daughter, she asked, "Tell me what you see. Carrots, eggs, and coffee," she replied.

Her mother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. The mother then asked the daughter to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard boiled egg.

Finally, the mother asked the daughter to sip the coffee. The daughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma. The daughter then asked, "What does it mean?"

Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity... boiling water. Each reacted differently.

The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak.

The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior, but after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened.

The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water.

Which are you?" she asked her daughter. "When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?"

Think of this: Which am I?

Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?

Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff
spirit and hardened heart?


Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you.

When the hour is the darkest and trials are their greatest, do you elevate yourself to another level? How do you handle adversity?

Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?

May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human and enough hope to make you happy.

The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way. The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past; you can't go forward in life UNTIL you let go of your past failures and heartaches.

When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling. Live your life so at the end, you're the one who is smiling and everyone around you is crying.

To those who have touched your life in one way or another; to those who make you smile when you really need it; to those who make you see the brighter side of things when you are really down; to those whose friendship you appreciate; to those who are so meaningful in your life.

May we all be COFFEE. ;)

Life needs Washing

Story nie aku dapat daripada seorang teman yang baik. Memang masa tue aku busy dengan tugasan di pejabat. Selalu nye aku kan 'delete' email2 macam nie ataupun aku nanti archive dulu so that boleh la tengok masa aku free. Tapi hati aku tergerak untuk baca email nie bila tengok title dia.. "Life Needs Washing" I'm actually glad that I took the time off to read this article.

"Circumstances or people can take away your material possessions, they can take away your money, and they can take away your health. But no one can ever take away your precious memories. . So, don't forget to make time and take the opportunities to make memories everyday. To everything there is a season and a time to every purpose under heaven."

A little girl had been shopping with her Mom in Target. She must have been 6 years old, this beautiful red haired, freckle-faced image of innocence. It was pouring outside, the kind of rain that gushes over the top of rain gutters, so much in a hurry to hit the earth it has no time to flow down the spout. We all stood there under the awning and just inside the door of the Target.

We waited, some patiently, others irritated because nature messed up their hurried day. I am always mesmerized by rainfall. Memories of running, splashing so carefree as a child came pouring in as a welcome reprieve from the worries of my day.

The little voice was so sweet as it broke the hypnotic trance we were all caught in "Mom let's run through the rain," she said. "What?" Mom asked.

"Let’s run through the rain!" She repeated.

"No, honey. We'll wait until it slows down a bit," Mom replied.

This young child waited about another minute and repeated: "Mom, let's run through the rain,"

"We'll get soaked if we do," Mom said.

"No, we won't, Mom. That's not what you said this morning," the young girl said as she tugged at her Mom's arm.

This morning? When did I say we could run through the rain and not get wet?

"Don't you remember? When you were talking to Daddy about his cancer, you said, 'If God can get us through this, he can get us through anything!"

The entire crowd stopped dead silent. I swear you couldn't hear anything but the rain. We all stood silently. No one came or left in the next few minutes. Mom paused and thought for a moment about what she would say. Now some would laugh it off and scold her for being silly. Some might even ignore what was said. But this was a moment of affirmation in a young child's life. A time when innocent trust can be nurtured so that it will bloom into faith.

"Honey, you are absolutely right. Let's run through the rain. If GOD lets us get wet, well maybe we just needed washing," Mom said.

Then off they ran. We all stood watching, smiling and laughing as they darted past the cars and yes, through the puddles. They held their shopping bags over their heads just in case. They got soaked. But they were followed by a few who screamed and laughed like children all the way to their cars.

And yes, I did. I ran. I got wet. I needed washing.

Beautiful right?

You still have... All of me

Long breakkk.. again! I know, Sigh! and I admit that I'm a bit lazy at updating this stuff :p
Just a song I want to share. Love it so much. Sebak rasanya setiap kali aku dengar lagu nie. Buat aku teringatkan kenangan manis Cinta dan perasaan. For those who have heard this song before.. This song is for you.
Tt's not easy to get over someone you've once dearly loved, cared, cherished.. Especially when you thought that you will be spending the rest of your life with them. Things don't usually work out the way you want them to be. It's a curse.. a miserable torture we have to put up with. The things you have to endure in order to get over them.. Is indescribable.


EVANESCENCE LYRICS

"My Immortal"

I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase


When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have ... All of me

You used to captivate me
By your resonating light
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have ... All of me

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have ... All of me

It's Me.. I'm Back

There's no serious reason for my long absense. I was just to tied up with work.. again and just can't find the time to update my blog.
Huh! lot of things happened in this past few days. Some are bad.. some are got.. and there are worse cases. Aduh! how can I describe? If I were to put all this in writing.. then I dunno if I'll have enough space. Hehe. Just have to make it simpler I guess.
Some of the good things...
I've lost 10kg in 2 months. Yeaaaa.. hehe. Huh! I still have a long way to go. I can't stop here for sure. Need to gain my old weight back. It's not that my old weight is a dream weight.. but still, I did feel good during that time. Still, I want to reduce more if I can. So Allah, Please help me.
I bought a new phone.. yes! yes! yes! Say helo to my new NOKIA N73. Yeah babe! Syok giler aku. For the first time, I bought an expensive HP. Aku bukan nyer apa. Suka features dia. At first I was thinking to buy a sony erission phone with cybershot. Looks cool too. Tapi kan dah pernah guna cap sony, and I think sony is not that compatible as Nokia. Besides bettery dia cepat sungguh kong. Leceh betul I kena charge everyday.. even if I didn't use it to the max. Tapi masak jugak la duit aku. Cost me about 1.8K I know, really crazy. But, what the heck! I love it and that's all that matters. Duit bila pun boleh cari. Bukan nya aku tak nak simpan. Kalu bukan aku nak enjoy sekarang, bila lagi.

I Love Friday *:o)

My Favourite day of the week.... Friday.
God created each day to be beautiful... but, Fridays are the most beautiful day of all. I'm in a mood for a cheerful song. This tune keep ringing in my head while I was driving to work. Mesti orang ingat aku tak betul dok tersenyum sorang-sorang dalam kereta. hehehe. Aku wat dunno jer la cos I'm happy and feeling cheerful today. Any special reason?? I can't figure out what.. I'm just feeling happy i guess.

I CAN SEE CLEARLY NOW

I Can See Clearly Now The Rain Is Gone - (It rained last night, after dreadful weeks without a single drop of rain)
I Can See All Obstacles In My Way - (The traffics, dong-dong drivers, inconsiderate motorcyclist... red lights)
Gone Are The Dark Clouds That Had Me Down - (Boss our of office for the whole day :D Still, I'm trying my best to block any bad aura today... God! pls guide me)
It's Gonna Be A Bright… Bright…. Bright Bright Sun Shiny Day
It's Gonna Be A Bright Bright Bright Bright Sun Shiny Day

Oh Yes I Can Make It Now The Pain Is Gone
All Of The Bad Feelings Have Disappeared
Here Is That Rainbow I've Been Praying For
It's Gonna Be A Bright Bright Bright Bright Sun Shiny Day

Look All Around There's Nothing But Blue Skies
Look Straight Ahead There's Nothing But Blue Skies

I Can See Clearly Now The Rain Is Gone
I Can See All Obstacles In My Way
Here Is That Rainbow I've Been Praying For
It's Gonna Be A Bright Bright Bright Bright Sun Shiny Day

Semalam keluar makan dengan Sharon. She brought her bf along. That guy is so sweet. Compared to her ex-bf, this guy is much better. Very polite, cheerful and most importantly he's quite a gentleman last night. I'm happy for Sharon. At last she found someone who suits her well. We went to the Liverpool Nasi Lemak at Batu Lancang. Gosh! cut throat betul. They charged RM1 for a small packet of nasi lemak not bigger then kuih pau. Just a bit of sambal ikan bilis and separuh telur rebus. Macam nak balik nasi lemak tue kat muka dia. Tak cukup tue, kurang ajar pulak tue. Aku ge duduk dulu, tunggu Sharon sampai, sekoq pun tak mai tanya aku nak apa sampai aku kena panggil dia orang. Apa punya customer service la. Kekadang tak guna, even when the food tastes good, but the service is lousy. What's the point. People come for a nice meal in a good and friendly environment after a hard day at work, only to be treated rudely and being ignored. Hurm... mentality sesetengah orang. Tak tau nak usahakan apa yang ada depan mata, tapi nak dengki kat orang no. 1. Lokasi tempat tue punya la elok. If only they improve their services, I'm sure the place will be packed.

Anyway, seronok dapat berjumpa dengan Sharon semalam. She looks great, as always. Memang padan dia dengan bf dia. Well, I wish the best for her cos a good person like her memang susah nak jumpa.

Who she is..

Aku tengok gambar “The Devil Wears Prada” tadi. Hurm… I had salad and bread for lunch and sambil tue, the girls and I went to the recreation room to watch this movie Nas bought over. It was a DVD so I had no choice but to watch it here. Nak bawak balik tak boleh sebab tak de DVD player. It was fun, watching a movie during office hours with your colleagues, even though it was lunch time, still, I felt like I was committing a job offence. Hehehe..
Well, what I can say about that movie. Sedikit sebanyak memberikan gambaran on how I work here too. Though lady boss aku tak lar seteruk Marinda dalam movie tue. Mo boss don’t asks for Starbuck coffees, don’t ask us to run around collecting her stuff and my lady boss most certainly don’t wear Prada and is totally out of the fashion world. Well, so do dress… eeerrr… well (at times). But most of the time, she’ll just wear… (Let me put it this way… what she can find in her closet at night with the lights closed) and seriously, I have no idea where she bought those outfits. The cloths she wears and the position she holds at the office doesn’t fit at all.
Anyway, as I was saying… we are 5 girls working under her. All of us are still single except one. Nas is married with one big bubbly baby boy. Well, no man can last working for her. The longest time a person had ever worked for her was 4 years… after that, she quit her job and moved to KL. Though the girl I replaced stand 8 years working under her. That was a great record. I don’t think I can beat that. Anyway, my lady boss is the type of a person who has the ability to push you to extend limit. She can really push you so hard that sometimes, it can drive you insane. Small things make her fidget and she’ll drive everyone off their seats and try to work out the issue in a difficult and hard way. I’ve been here for almost 3 years. And just like in the movie, sometimes, my lady boss drives me mad but most of the times, I learned a lot of things from her. She has changed me in a lot of ways and surprisingly, she has even inspired me at times. I don’t hate her. Well at least not most of the time and I’m not angry at her for how she treats us too. It’s her way of dealing with her team, I guess. But truly, my lady boss is a person I look up too when it comes to how she manages her life, personal and also work.
Some people look up to her, some people just despise her… but she’s just being who she is. And I don’t think anyone can change that. She’ll be want she is no matter what.