I am SO de-motivated right now :(

Everyone is working around the clock for the quarter closing. There’s a lot of sales orders to close, customer’s deadline to meet, documentation to prepare.. bla bla bla.. and on top of that, I have an AM chasing me with a tender for submission this Thursday. There are a lot of things she needs to settle and she attended a seminar this morning. Sigh! The sense of responsibility some people carries sometimes amazes me.

Anyway, just now after the meeting, a colleague broke a bad news that I was not expecting at all... No Increment this year.... I went like WHAAATTT!!#@?? “Are you f*cking kidding me? All that hard work put up for last year to get the best achievement in sales ever for Northern all wasted for nothing. Some of the big shots get to go for oversea trips for their so called achievements for 2009, and all those who are back-stage contributors to close the sales gets CRAP!! What is the world leading to nowadays?

There you go, another good point and all the more reason why I should move out now while I still have the chance.

BIG Sigh!!

All went well ;) hehe

So, guess what? Last Friday, my friend called me up for an Interview today at 2pm. Only Allah knows how nervous I was. My first ever interview after almost 6 years. And after this 6 years... this morning baru I searched my room for my cert file :p It was all dusty and got a few tahi cicak on it also. I know. Total memalukan but what can I do, not that I get to attend interview often, right. Anyway, I was wearing one of my best office outfits. Even at the office this morning, a few of them asked me... “Whoa! Someone’s in a cheerful Monday mood today!!” Yeah right sister, I can’t tell them “Oh! I have an interview later” right :p buat bodoh jer la. You guys will know soon. Muahahaha..

Little did I expect I would be so nervous today... Not to mention since it’s quarter end, there were a lot of things to do. I wanted to do some case study about the organization but I was very tied-packed this morning until I even had no time to pee. Just in a while it was almost 1pm. Gulp! So here we go! Had to just adjust with whatever little knowledge I had about that company. Thank God some of Dad’s advice about the company helped.

And you know what, dah la I was nervous this morning and I was so expecting to be in a cheerful and calm mood, my stupid pretentious sad excuse for a boss gave me a heart-ache. Gosh! She can be such a pain in the a$$. And it was not even my fault to begin with but I got her ‘bossy’ email saying I should be more responsible in ensuring things were in proper documentation. WTF&&@!# Like la all these while she was an expert in what I was doing right. I was so pissed off with her and all I can do was ignore her. The funny thing is, after all the ‘being responsible’ emails she sent, she still had the cheek to call me out for lunch. Grrrr!!

Anyway, what is important for me right now is that the interview went well and I managed to stay calm, firm in answering the questions, stay confident and most importantly... I was being myself.

Hehehe.. sempat plak tadi aku singgah Queensbay just now after the interview :p Well, I had to do some shopping cos who knows, I would want to look at my best on my 'first day' at work nanti right... hehe. Besides, I was damn hungry cos I rushed for the interview straight after my half-day at work. So, where la got time to go for lunch just now. Some of my friends wanted to go for that oooo... delicious Nasi Melayu behind Penang GH cos they planned to visit one of our colleague who was admitted there. Sadly, I had to say NO cos, tak nak plak perut buncit later. I might accidently burp at my interviewer face and later cannot sit down comfortably. Hehehe.. I even told Sim just now that I sometimes yawn when I'm too nrevous. :P Thank God I was spared of such humiliation.

Hm... I hope I will get good news soon. But what ever it is, I hope the benefits will be up to my expectation.

Syukur Ya Allah..

let's move forward

I got a call from a close friend today. We used to work together then early last year, she decided to quit and join another organization. We were quite close buddies and she is one of my few friends who understands my jokes and really enjoys being fun and doing crazy stuff... hehehe... a very cheerful person to be around with and a very wise person to look up to. Well, nowadays she hardly calls. Now that she moved to another office location and she is really tied up with workload. Even though we don’t work together, we still go out for lunch sometimes and have a good laugh chatting and gossiping. Hehe...

But today, I got a few miss calls from her at around 3pm. It was odd indeed for her to be calling me at this time of hour and cannot figure out what could possibly be the reason. I was unable to answer her calls just now as I was in a meeting with the big ‘Cat’. Yup! The same ole’ ‘Big Cat’ who never misses to fly all the way from Subang every single freaking Wednesday just to sit in a meeting with the team here which last maximum pun for about 2 hours. But sish! Who’s complaining right! And the pressure I was in the meeting just now was indescribable. Since my boss was not around as she was off for a holiday she don’t deserve (ehem)... while I on the other hand was stuck here and had to present him the numbers for quarter one closing and man does he have a lot of questions to ask. Feel like just screaming off at him telling him “Go and look for your own numbers you %(#&%@#...” but hey! Who’s complaining... again...

Anywaaay... when I got back to my workplace I got 3 miss calls from my friend. So I called her back and guess what... She asked me if I would be interested to join her organization. :) :)It seem that some girl in her team couldn’t take the pressure and the work load kononyer so she decided to quit. So, they are really short of hand to manage the workload and she asked me.... ME... if I am interested. Muahaha.. Teruja rasa la. Ada jugak orang teringat kat aku and asked me to join their organization. I must be good and hot.. ok! skip the hot part if you think it's not suitable. Sish!!

I was not sure at the beginning when my friend explained the job description to me. The way she explained it was in a very honest documented way sort of like she was reading from a script. Hehehe... that kinda got me nervous and honestly, I was not sure I would be able to pull it off. I was not sure if I would be able to perform up to the company’s expectation. That kinda scared me cos I was a bit intimidated and I was unsure of what I might be facing. I was interested, lets say 70% of me wants to just go for it and grab the opportunity and another part of me... the balance 30%... is asking me to just stay here.

I was confused and I was not sure if I should grab this opportunity. Now, I have been comfortably sitting my a$$ off here for almost 6 years and skarang rasa macam liat nak bergerak. I know my job well here and I love it.. Not that I don’t. But sometimes, you just feel like breaking free and exploring new things. I want to try something different and I want to work in an environment that I would be appreciated more. Hm... sad to say, working with people here sometimes can be a bit frustrating. I’m not saying the same situation won’t occur at this new place or elsewhere. There will always be annoying, pretentious, self-centered, arrogant, racist, sarcastic, rude, idiot, stupid, mean ... bla bla bla people anywhere you go, right? Thing is I just love this place and sayang sekali to leave it. Hmmm.. one of the reason why I turned down a few good offers. Like my friend, Ayen said... “You are just too comfortable there”. Sigh! He is right. I am in my comfortable zone here and even though I am not satisfied, not happy and bored... I still want to me here. I don’t want to grow old and retire here.... errr... that would be a nightmare.

Ayen gave me some good advices yesterday and after talking to him, I gained 90% confident then before and I want to grab this opportunity. He made it out clear to me about the possibilities of securing a better future for me and a good opportunity for me. He’s right about another thing, there has been so many times I was taken for granted. All those promises made that were never kept. I was often left disappointed, frustrated and miserably sad for not being appreciated for the things I have done here. But with this job, I see my future brighter out there and now I begin to realize I might not gain any further prospect if I remain here. It’s time to move on and time for a change.

(Big Sigh!) hope things work out well.

Helo 2010

Whoa! It’s been so long since I last wrote in here. Almost one year of silence and here I emerge again. I guess I have no real solid explanation for my absence. I’m just playing lazy and laying low from this cruel hard-ache world. Hehe.. fuh.. Feeling nyer :p

Anyway, next hot story is this coming November 2010, I’m turning... well... 30. Yup! No more “Oh! I am in my ‘late twenties’.” Excuses to give when people ask me “How old are you?” .... can you imagine that, people are so desperately want to know HOW OLD I have been in this world. Every time someone ask me that question, makes me feel like I am some sort of fossilized dinosaur or something. HOW OLD.. Sigh! Turning 30 is kinda scary but at the same time, I must admit I am excited as well.

I left 2009 with a lot of wonderful and some bitter memories. Well, now I am actively updating and keeping in touch with friends in facebook. I met with a lot of them from school and some from my previous workplace. Like yesterday, I added Nimmy in my friend’s list. Nimmy and I used to work together back in Intel. But I was kinda sad when I got a message from her this morning saying “Are you the one who used to work in GDOC?” I was surprised she doesn’t remember me and I thought I was quite close to her back then. It’s been almost 6 years since I met her but we sometimes chat over the phone. And to think I went like “Hi Nimmy... add me add me.. Gosh! I miss you so much... bla bla bla.. ” made it even worse. I thought she would remember me. Man, I had my cute profile picture in my FB what, so WTH right. Sigh! Am I that easy to forget? Have I not left any good impact to these people when I left? I mean, Nimmy and I used to get into a lot of misunderstandings when I newly joined. I don’t really like her much cos she was all mengada-ada and bossy. But in the end, we came to be quite close friends. But I like her as she is a person who doesn’t care about what people have to say about her and she do what she likes only. Well, this clearly shows I need to keep in touch with my friends often. Too much into work, I often neglect my friends.

I’m planning to make a lot if difference in life throughout this year 2010. On my birthday this November, I want to look back and think “Gosh! I’ve done all that and I am happy.” Think of going on traveling, go on a good diet and bring my fatty ass down to a normal size, take up baking classes :p. Got macam-macam to do lah. I just don’t know where and how to start and we are now already in March. Cepat Cepat Cepat...

And how do I do all these and juggle my hectic work at the same time? I just have to find time I guess. Well, nowadays I find time for myself after work and do things I like. After work is my time and I get myself to enjoy it. Go out with friends sometimes for dinner or simply for a coffee. Sometimes I go shopping or just go for a good movie with friends. Like last week Friday, I took the rest of the afternoon off and went for a movie with a friend. Hehe... We went to watch the movie “Valentines Day”. It was a very nice romantic comedy movie and the cast was absolutely fabulous. I had fun and went back home with a smile. Doing all these simple things often makes me happy and satisfying.
And guess what! Last year July, I have finally joined the gym and often go for workout after work. Not showing and signs of improvement though :p probably I didn’t go so often lately.

Work... sigh! What can I tell about my work? It’s still the usual hectic but still manageable.

Well.. I’ll try to update more often from now on. This is my life journal anyway :)