Feeling

I have discovered a pattern about how and what I update in my blog. I notice I often update entries when times I feel down, upset, angry, frustrated, depressed, sad or simply not in a mood for any pleasant happy thoughts. Almost all my entries are my express of remorse and unhappiness and I often let it out here cos well... I guess it’s just hard to share it with anyone fearing they might not understand what I’m going through. What if they laugh at me? What if they think my problem is nothing for me to be upset about? Sometimes, other people won’t realize, it might not be personal to them, but it’s personal to me.
My life is boring. Hate to admit it but it’s a fact cos I hardly engage in any interesting or happening activities. So, most of my times are either spent at home or at work. Happiness for me is a great deal but overall I am happy really. And sometimes, I do share my happy experiences here. Hoping I would read it someday in future and when I do, I’ll feel happy about it all over again.
Sharing feelings are not something I’m quite good at. I do talk to my friends and family about it sometimes but I don’t share everything. What can you possibly share with your friends? Boyfriend problems... family problems... issues at work or simply about an annoying or superb someone you come in path with. Well, how about your family? Hm... Tough question ek? But honestly... my family is quite supportive. But they can be quite a pain too. Heck! What are families for right? You win some.. you loose some :p Well, sometimes, you can share a lot of things with your favourite sisters... simple things like about a cute guy I met... How he gave me goosebumps when he just turns around at me and smiles :) hehehe... or that bitchy boss I just hate so much... sheesh! And with your loving and caring mum... well, almost everything about what’s going on in your life. Well, sometimes, not everything too. How about your dad? What can you share with him? I question myself a lot on what I can share with my dad.

My dad is my hero. He’s a brilliant man and growing up under his shadow and guidance has taught me great deals about life. He’s a very wonderful man, very knowledgeable, very informative, very disciplined, very organized, much respected, very well recognized among our relatives and his friends and people he work with. People often seek his guidance and advice on certain things.
But sometimes dad can really say things which make your feelings hurt. I love him so much but why can’t he understand that I have feelings too and my feelings are very fragile. I’m a very sensitive person and I tend to get offended and hurt very easily. Sometimes, this mix feeling of emotion is kept inside me and I don’t share it with anyone.
Dad... it’s tough trying to be the perfect daughter all the time. I am trying my best to be a good daughter and make you happy but sometimes, I need some help from you too. Please try to understand me and that I love you so much. I still need your guidance and support cos there are certain things I just couldn’t handle on my own. But sometimes, you also need to understand that I cannot be always right and you cannot be right all the time too. We are not perfect... None of us are. But what we can do is try to make the best out of life and enjoy it in any possible way. People make mistakes... so do we.
I’m sorry if I’ve ever hurt your feelings dad. I love you so much.