Annoyed

Seriously.. That’s exactly how I feel now with this new guy at work. He is such a sad excuse for a manager and I have no idea how they employed him at the first place. I mean, what were they thinking right? I wonder how he manage to get away with the interview? And to think that he actually earns a 5 figure for the shitty work he’s doing… makes it even WORSE. He’s is such an a$$.

Right, this douche bag joined us about 3 months ago right before fasting month. The moment I saw him for the first time, I had the feeling that this guy will be a pain and I smelled trouble. True enough wey! He is exactly what I thought he would be. Since the day he joined, he keep giving excuse that he’s a new with the whole process and procedure. I don’t see him taking any initiative to improve himself and to take part in any of the projects available. As a manager, there are guideline given for him to follow and understand and he… well, to put it short.. not from this world. He has his own way of doing things which none of us know about and often. I bet his brain is not functioning properly already.

Ada jugak la orang macam nih? How can a human live without any conscious. All of us work and live a hard life. Sure la when it comes to work, nothing is simple and there’s always an issue you come across. But that is how you roll. That is how you learn and that is how you improve yourself from time to time. And gradually, you will be good at what you’re doing and you will easily move forward. But how can someone be so ignorant towards his own work and pretend like nothing’s going on around them? I just couldn’t understand. You see this fella for example, he asked questions repeatedly and when you answer him, I don’t think he register anything you say it in his mind and will ask it again after a few days. He is un-approachable and is totally not friendly and I think he’s also a bit racists. How can you be like that when you are working in an organization with requires co-operation from all party? We work as a team and in a team, you have to hold your role and be useful. Otherwise, you will be ignored. And that is exactly what the others are doing to him. They are ignoring him cos he does not bring any value nor even input or suggestions. All he have to say is that he’s struggling to understand the process. And he will annoyingly laugh that sarcastic laugh to something you explain to him. You will sincerely try to make him understand and you can see from the look on his face, he’s really not paying any attention and he cares shit about what you’re talking about. Macam cakap dengan tembok tau. That’s how it is…

Only Allah can help us on this one and even the others are feeling the same way too. It difficult to communicate with people like this and I am already at the verge of giving up and ignoring him too. 

Only You Can Love Me This Way

Here's a beautiful song from Keith Urban. Just in case if you're wondering, who the heck is he. Well, he's Nicole Kidman's husband and a very famous country song singer from Australia. Yup! he's a darn good looking Aussie and a find man for Nicole not like that jerk Tom Cruise who left her for another woman. Seem this song he sang for his darling wife Nicole. Ain't it sweet? Must be wonderful to have a caring and loving man in your life.
Hmm.. sometimes life can get lonely especially when you're feeling down and have no one you can talk to or hold your hand and say things are going to be alright. Sigh! i miss those days..

Well, hope I can have a special someone to sing me this song some day.. :) 

Well, I know there's a reason

And I know there's a rhyme

We were meant to be together

And that's why

We can roll with the punches

We can stroll hand in hand

And when I say it's forever

You understand

That you're always in my heart

You're always on my mind

But when it all becomes too much

You're never far behind

And there's no one

That comes close to you

Could ever take your place

'Cause only you can love me this way

I could have turned a different corner

I could have gone another place

Then I'd of never had this feeling

That I feel today, yeah

And you're always in my heart

Always on my mind

When it all becomes too much

You're never far behind

And there's no one

That comes close to you

Could ever take your place

'Cause only you can love me this way

Ooh

And you're always in my heart

You're always on my mind

And when it all becomes too much

You're never far behind

And there's no one

That comes close to you

Could ever take your place

'Cause only you can love me this way

Ooh

Only you can love me this way

The Audience and the Player

Here's a beautiful advice..

IF PEOPLE CRITICIZE YOU,
HURT YOU,
OR SHOUT AT YOU,
DON'T BE BOTHERED...
JUST REMEMBER
IN EVERY GAME,
THE AUDIENCE...
MAKES THE NOISE,
NOT THE PLAYERS ;)

I want to become a player. So, I'll just shut up and make sure I play my game well.

Have a beautiful day everyone!

Luahan Hati

Hmm… here I am again, in a state of mix feelings and overwhelmed with emotional pain.

Crying now… I’m tired. I just don’t want to go through this anymore.

Why? Why do I deserve to be hurt over and over again? Apakah salah aku untuk curahkan segala kasih sayang terhadap dia. Jaga dia, sayang dia… and in the end, for what? To be treated this way. Why do I keep falling into all those lies, all those promises, all those false hopes, all those fake emotions?

Ya Allah! Letih sungguh.

Ok… lama tak singgah sini. Rindu juga untuk luahkan hati dan perasan yang terkubur lama. Bukan sengaja, tapi terleka. Terlalu mengikut pengedaran masa sampai lupa untuk berhenti seketika untuk diri sendiri. That’s right, I hardly give time for myself. I’m living my life for others and they take me for granted. Sigh! Penat la. Sedih sangat bila hati nie dilukai oleh insan tersayang. Orang yang tak memahami, orang yang tak peduli.

I just don’t wish to go through all these sad emotions anymore. And I still have hope and I do pray and asking Allah’s blessing to help me get through these tough times. InsyaAllah, I still do believe, there’s a solution to all problems. You just have to have faith and believe.

Why don’t you talk your feelings out to someone, you may ask?? Well, tak semua yang sudi mendengar luahan hati kita. Semuanya sibuk dengan hal sendiri. Setengah tue mengaku jer kawan baik, but apparently they’re not. I just don’t want to hear anymore of those “dah la, dah la” shit from friends who tend to shut you off cos they’re not interested to hear you. All they know what to say is “dah la tu jangan seedy sedey, dah nasib nak buat macam mana, dah la jangan piker bukan bukan, dah la jangan sensitive sangat, sabar fazi, banyakkan berdoa…” WTF huh? Salah ke you all dengar dulu luahan hati aku. Dengar dulu apa aku nak kata. Instead if giving me all these cheap crappy, pointless advices, why don’t you just stay silent and listen to me? You all ingat aku tak tau nak buat ke menda nie semua hah? Bersabar, jangan sedih, banyakkan berdoa… Kalau tak tahu buat semua tue, tak la aku hidup sampai skarang. Why is it when someone in need of a friend to talk to, turns to you and you go ahead and push them away with all these “dah la.. dah la..” nonsense?Sure you're busy, so please go ahead and tell that person, you're busy. Don't waste their time, hurt their feelings and in the end, make it worse. 

I was confused and in need of someone to talk to.. Thank God I get to turn to the one and only friend who I know will listen closely to me and comfort me. Sadly, people like this, aku pulak yang tak keep in touch. Bodoh jugak aku sometimes. So sorry Sharon. I’m so sorry for not keeping in touch with you. Sometimes, I forget how I need a good friend to be with me. You’re there.. and I am still wandering. I had a long chat with her the other day, and I tell you, I’m blessed to have her. She listened, she cared for me, she advices me and she comforted me. That’s what I want. 

I’m not sure what I should call this post.. Luahan Hati perhaps cos it’s just how I feel now. I need to start thinking more of myself, concentrate on what’s best for me as well. To love another is important, but to love yourself, it takes a great deal and its far more important then anything else. 

Jar of Hearts

Right now, I feel this song sorta describe what I am going through.. But no, it has nothing to do with boyfriend problem. Still, being hurt by your love ones is the most severe pain anyone could ever experience.

Yes, I am hurt and sadly by someone I love dearly and care so much for. All I can think of saying is…

Who do you think you are?

Runnin' 'round leaving scars

Collecting your jar of hearts

And tearing love apart

You're gonna catch a cold

From the ice inside your soul

So don't come back for me

Who do you think you are?

Series of Emotions...

There are things in life we just couldn’t explain. 

For instance, why do we cry sometimes when we're happy? It's an unexplainable reaction but people call it tears of joy. When our heart is overwhelmed with emotion, we just couldn’t resist shedding tears. You are just too happy, you feel like crying.

People do crazy things when they are over-powered with emotions.  Things you do when you are happy, sad, angry or scared. When you are confused, frustrated, disappointed or mad. For instance, how a mother cries and hugs her son because she’s proud of him, seeing him graduating top of his class. When a father is very angry and scolds his child for breaking his favourite guitar. When a sad woman gives up in life and decided to commit suicide just because her stupid boyfriend is seeing someone else. When a child is too scared to sleep alone after watching a horrible ghost movie, woke the parents up in the middle of the night. Or maybe when you start pulling your hair or biting your nails because you’re confused and out of ideas on how to complete your assignments.

Weird isn’t it…

Speaking about sad emotions, most people like to keep their problems to themselves. No one knows what’s causing their grief or why they’re unhappy. Most people don’t like to talk about their problems or discuss with others on how they feel. Nor do they try to work on finding solutions to overcome it. No matter what happen to them, they just quietly accept it as fate and choose to be silent. Yeah sure, remaining silent pays off at times, but you need to remember, if your sad emotion is not managed properly, it can build up and often sparks anger when you just couldn’t hold it anymore. When this happens, you tend to show it off on people around you, especially the ones you love. Often, people who are sad and depressed, end up bursting into emotion stress condition and most of the time, the action taken during this period always end up in remorse.

That is exactly what I experienced last weekend. Yes! I was overcome with emotion, I was just too sad and depressed, I cried for no apparent reason… just suddenly burst into tears. I said some things I now regret and wish I haven't said.

Banyak sangat ujian hidup yang terpaksa ditempuhi. Especially bila orang yang kita sayangi ialah yang paling banyak menguji kesabaran kita. I was left feeling sad, confused and frustrated when my love is taken for granted. Semuanya ada saja yang tak kena, semuanya ada saja nak menguji. Kesabaran kita diuji semakin hari until it comes to a point where you just couldn’t take it anymore. I often keep quiet and I kept my emotions silently with me because I don't want anyone to know how I feel. Probably because, I was afraid, people might not understand. So often I just burst into tears and cried myself to sleep.

Lately, my relationship with dad has been quite sore. There are things he does I just couldn’t come in terms with, especially when it involves mum. He gets angry very quickly and small matters seem to spark his anger these days. He say things to hurt mum’s feeling and when he does, I just couldn’t stand to see my mum left hurt and feeling sad. But to my surprise, she just ignores it and chooses to remain quiet. I've asked her many times, and everytime she says, years of being married to him, she understands him well and knows he doesn’t mean to hurt her feelings. Now that his high-blood pressure is quite high, he is in alot of stress and I know it is not easy. We are very worried for his health as he needs a lot of rest and he should be relaxing more. It hurts to see him feeling this way but at the same time it is painful for me too.. all those hurtful words is really bringing me down. I thought my dad and I can't get along well anymore so I came to think the best possible way to avoid any further inconveniences for both of us is to try and avoid him.

What was I thinking? How could I do that? What kind of daughter would I be if I cannot get along with my own father. The same man who raised me up and taught me about what's right and what's wrong. I failed to understand, that at times like this... he needs his family's love, understanding and support even more. I shouldn't give up just because of a few misunderstanding. Sure I'm hurt, but like my friend said, I should understand the situation and look at the matter from the positive side. I should be patience and I should learn how to manage this situation better. No matter what, I just shouldn't be away from him. I shouldn't give up.

Pa… There are times when your words has hurt my feelings many times. I often walk away without saying anything. No matter how hurt my feelings are, no matter how you try to push me away, I will still love you Pa.. and I can't imagine staying away from you. I love you so much. But all I'm asking is just some understanding from you. Please try to understand how much I love you and how I look up to you Pa. I know you still love me and care for me and even now, you are still there to protect us. How can I forget the times you used to love this little girl of yours. I still remember and cherish those times when you use to hold my hand and keep me safe. When I was young, you would carry me on your shoulder and take me out for morning walks. Still remember how I use to look down at your smile and how you will tell me stories and never fail to answer my questions. Still remember how you use to make me smile and when mum scolds me, I will run up to you and rest on shoulder. I know I can’t expect all those things anymore as I am a big girl now. True, your little girl has grown up to be an independent women but no matter what I am or who I have become, I am still and forever will be your little, youngest girl Pa. So this same girl still longing for your love. Just hope you will understand me even more. Though I have grown up… I am still here and I will forever be looking up to you.

Sigh! Emotions can be stressful at times. I didn’t like what happened but at the same time, I realized that I also didn’t try to manage the problem efficiently. I couldn’t explain why it must happen either. It just did and now, all I have to do is console myself and move on. Sure things happen to us can be unfair at times, but that doesn’t mean, you can let your emotion take control of you.

All I can say is that I learned a very valuable lesson from all this. I am not a perfect person in solving problems even sometimes problems of my own. I am just a normal person with normal feelings and I tend to be wrong and make mistakes sometimes too. But, I am trying to learn from my mistakes and look for ways to solve my problems rather then bottling it all up.

Ya Allah… kuatkan lah semangat aku. Berikan aku kemampuan dan kekuatan untuk meneruskan hidup ini dengan sebaik baiknya. Please love my family and protect them from any harm and wrong doings. I just wish the best for them and I will forever love them will all my heart. 

Insya'Allah..

Terharu dengar Maher Zain, one of my favorite Nasyid singer menyanyi lagu famous nie in Malay version. His pronunciation of every word in this Malay version is so perfect as if he’s been speaking Malay all these while. It’s just simply amazing. May Allah SWT bless him always as his songs have reached out to millions of people both Muslims and non-Muslims all around the world. His voice has really touched and inspired a lot of people.

Last Friday I was at a friend’s wedding. They played this song in English version. I was so touched to see young children singing along to his song. They can practically sing the whole song, moving every word of it. This is even my 5 year old nephew’s favourite song. He will always ask me.. “Makcik Ila, cheq nak dengar lagu InsyaAllah…” and when I play it for him, he loves to sing along.  

Maher Zain – InsyaAllah (Malay version)

Andainya..

Kau rasa tak berupaya

Hidup sendirian tiada pembela

Segalanya suram, bagai malam yang gelap

tiada bantuan, tiada tujuan

Janganlah berputus asa..

Kerana Allah bersamamu..

[chorus] x2

InsyaAllah… InsyaAllah…

InsyaAllah… Ada Jalannya…

Andainya..

Kesalmu berulang lagi

Bagai tiada ruang untuk kembali

Tika keliru atas kesilapan lalu

Membelenggu hati dan fikiranmu

Janganlah berputus asa…

Kerana Allah bersamamu…

[chorus] x2

InsyaAllah… InsyaAllah…

InsyaAllah… Ada Jalannya…

Kembalilah….

Kepada yang Esa

Yakin padaNya, panjatkanlah doa..

OOoo~ Ya Allah…

Pimpinlah daku dari tersasar

Tunjukkan daku ke jalan yang benar..

Jalan yang benar…Jalan yang benar..

Jalan yang benar…

[chorus]

InsyaAllah… InsyaAllah…

InsyaAllah… Ada Jalannya…

Anjaana Anjaani

I don't usually post any bollywood songs but this particular song I really like. I saw the movie last week and I totally love this song.

This song is from a Bollywood movie “Anjaana Anjaani”. It’s a story about 2 total strangers Kiara and Aakash. Aakash had a huge lost on a business dealing and has to clear a huge loan of $12 million, which he is unable to. Unable to find any means, suicide seems the only option to him. He decides to jump off the George Washington Bridge. This is when he bumps into Kiara, who is also bound to commit suicide because she caught her fiancée cheating on her. They both try to put an end to their lives but are deterred by the coastguards.

They attempts to commit suicide several times but things just seem to fail them everytime. Thinking both might have some uncompleted tasks, both of them decided to end their lives on New Year’s Eve. With 20 days to go, they decide to fulfill their unfinished wishes and thus begin their journey and somehow they just fall in love with each other with realizing it.

Tu na Jaane Aas Pass Hain Khudah

Dhundhla jaayein jo manzilein

Ik pal ko tu nazar jhuka

Jhuk jaaye sar jahan wahin

Milta hai rab ka raasta

Teri kismat tu badal de

Rakh himmat bas chal de

Tere saathi mere kadmon ke hain nishaan

Tu na jaane aas pass hai khuda 4x

If your destinations get hazy,

lower your sight for a moment,

wherever your head bows down,

That is where you will find your way to God,

You Change your own luck,

So be strong and just start moving,

I will be following behind you,

Cos you don't know God is always nearby..

Khud pe daal tu nazar, Haalaton se haar kar

Kahaan chala re

Haath ki lakeer ko, Modta marodta,

Hai hausla re

Toh khud tere khwabon ke rang mein

Tu apne jahan ko bhi rang de

Ke chalta hoon main tere sang mein

Ho shaam bhi toh kya

Jab hoga andhera

Tab paayega dar mera

Uss dar pe phir hogi teri subah

Tu na jaane aas pass hai khuda 4x

When you are lost against all circumstances,

Where do you go?

The lines are all turned and twisted,

But you take the courage to color your dreams,

And you will Color your world too,

Cos I will walk with you,

Even if it's evening or even in darkness,

We will seek our way to brightness, 

Cos you don't know God is always nearby..

Mitt jaate hain sabke nishaan

Bas ek woh mitt ta nahin haye

Maan le jo har mushkil ko marzi meri haye

Ho humsafar na tera jab koi

Tu ho jahan rahunga main wahi

Tujhse kabhi na ik pal bhi main judaa

Tu na jaane aas pass hai khuda,

Tu na jaane aas pass hai khuda..

When all signs are erased,

Consider every of your problem is my will,

When there is nobody to accompany you,

I'll be there where ever you are,

I'm never be away from you for even a moment,

Cos you don't know God is always nearby..

Cos you don't know God is always nearby..